WWJRD? (what would jesus really do?)

If I had to choose between saving the second coming of Jesus or my wife from being hit by a car, I'd have a tough time deciding. At first thought I'd say my wife, because I know for a fact that I'm not going to marry a woman unless I'm totally in love with her. In love with her in a way that makes me feel like I've taken a combination of all the best prescription drugs, put them in a blender, and snorted it immediately after I've trimmed my nose hairs to the shortest length possible. And by shortest length possible, I mean the shortest length in which they are still able to keep out harmful airborne agents…


But then i think again, and I feel like I should choose Jesus, because if he IS actually the son of God, and he HAS returned, then it means he certainly MUST be god… and if I save god surely he’ll spare my wife's life. But then I think to myself, "Is Jesus/God gonna be in the mood he was during the old testament or the new testament?" -you know, all that fire and brimstone stuff made him seem like a bit of a loose cannon.. now of course Jesus wasn't actually in the old testament but god was, and Jesus is part of the holy trinity which is god, so for all practical purposes they are one and the same.

So saving Jesus is kind of like flipping a coin. On one side I definitely save god, and also a have a 50/50 chance that my wife will be spared as well. On the other side of the coin i save my wife, who I must say is MUCH more attractive than Jesus and smells a bit nicer I’m sure, and if I save my wife and Jesus dies, then it might not really matter because he will still exist as god, and god might see my act of ultimate love for my wife as the epitome of all that is good and spare both of our souls. How could a forgiving god not?… But(!), he could be in one of those Sodom and Gommorah-moods and send us to the center of hell where it is deathly cold according to Dante, and I even hate cold pools…
So I have a 50/50 chance with that move too, but I decide to give god the benefit of the doubt that he's most likely an understanding guy, especially these days, ya know, post resurrection- so now I'm starting to go with saving Jesus and not my wife.


But then I realize that I would not be able to go on living without my wife who i am completely head over heels for so I would probably end up committing suicide from depression which would also secure me a spot in hell, so it appears that I'm stuck with a big dilemma. I seem to be screwed either way as far as the after-life is concerned.


So then with a split second left I wonder "what would Jesus do", or as more commonly seen on bumperstickers on the majority of cars in the South, WWJD?" (it can usually be found right under the confederate flag), and then I become extremely confused…


Let’s think about this. If Jesus were in my shoes would he actually save himself??? that would be the ultimate act of selfishness would it not?! So I come to the conclusion that Jesus would actually save my lovely wife rather than himself, and therefore that’s what I’d do. And if I made the wrong choice then, hey, I’d negotiate with him and explain the exact line of logic presented above, and I don't see how he could punish me at all if I was just doing what I thought he would do. Come on man, WWJD. I mean, it makes sense... right?


~fin~


This is a 15th century painting from one of my favorite Dutsch artists, Hieronymous Bosch. It's an awesome depiction of Christianity's notion of the 'perils of life's tempations'.
Titled The Garden of Earthly Delights

Did I also mention that when seen up close it scares the shit out of you (which makes sense, being one of organized religions' major goals).

Lots of speculation as to what Bosch's real message was (probably one that would have gotten him hanged), seeing as how he was thought by many to be on as many mind-altering substances as one of the greatest psychedelic rock bands of all time in my opinion, The United States of America having one of their most stand-out songs sharing the same name with the painting above.


Nico of Velvet Underground tried out for this band after the original singer left but was turned down. Apparently the bands were rivals and got into a couple fights on stage a couple times, during the short-lived career of U.S.A, which ended abruptly with a tour van drug bust. At least they went out with style, haha.